Friday, June 29, 2007

More Fernando Torres

What can I say? I'm fucking stoked. I've been waiting for a signing like this for ages. Fuck. Yeah.

Yes, yes, oh god yes!

According to this front page story at The, Liverpool have just signed Torres for around 27 million pounds, pending personal terms. I am a happy boy. A very happy boy.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Fun things to do on your weekend off

What did you do this weekend? Did you go blind for an entire day, wander a sheep-grazing field getting harassed by floppy eared goats, climb over a barbed-wire/electric fence combo (still while blind) and then crawl around in a muddy creek on your stomach (again, still while blind)? That's what I did. Seriously. I'm not making any of this up. What in the sweet name of fuckery was I doing? Oh, helping my brother-in-law make a film of course.

Honestly, I should know better by now. I've acted in a few things for him before, and it always seems to end up with me being tortured in new and inventive ways. This time I had to have my entire face covered in liquid latex with big eye-wound things stuck over my eyes because my characters eyes had been gouged out and he wants them back (and is followed around by an evil demon of sorts- also played by me). So, yeah, I was actually blind for the whole day while we shot the eye-gouged guys scenes. And I honestly had to climb a barbed-wire electric fence while still in the fucking blinding makeup. Miraculously I wasn't hurt. Good times.

But seriously folks, the film should be pretty cool. I'm sure it'll get the good old You-Tube treatment when it's done, and I'll post it here. Now I'm going to rub moisturizer into my face because you should see what happens to your skin when you have to peel layer after layer of latex off, repeatedly. It's a cross between eczema and a sunburn. Hurray for films!

Friday, June 22, 2007

Quote of the Arbitrary Time I Deem Necessary Between Quotes No. 2

Our good friend Meghan, my wife and I were having a discussion about pregnancy and all the wonderful crap that women have to go through. Meghan, adament that the currently accepted system of "get it on, baby gestates inside mother, baby grows to there's-no-way-that-thing-can-fit-out-that-hole size, baby painfully exists that hole" is completely fucked, had this suggestion for an alternate baby-making process:

"Have sex. Baby grows on tree. C'Mon!"

To truly appreciate the genuine power of the comment, imagine that "C'Mon!" at the end to be uttered with Leytton Hewitt-ish earnest and verve.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

More Carlos Hernandez

He's known as Zorro. Seriously. Zorro. That, my friends, is reason enough to be excited.

This dude just signed for the Melbourne Victory

This is one of two goals by Carlos Hernandez for Costa Rica vs. USA in world cup 2006 qualifying, which sent them to the world cup. And now he plays for the mighty Victory. Fuck. Yeah.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Sarah Silverman Owns Paris Hilton

Genius. Check out Jack Nicholson's reaction. He's lovin it.

Bollywood Michael Jackson

Sweet merciful Jeebus...

Words cannot describe the hilarity of this clip. Enjoy.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Astounding Feats of Human Intelligence- Part 4

Okay so the mighty Rooney's Uncle (my futsal team) had a game on monday night- our first since they collapsed 1st and 2nd division into one league due to a spate of dropped out teams. Now, Rooney's Uncle is a much better than average 2nd div team (we were 2nd or 3rd in the league until the merger). Anyway we played a team on monday night with the wonderfully creative name of The Suicide Strikers. Kinda like naming your team Ultra-Laser Champions or some shit. Or so I thought. Turns out the whole team was comprised of guys of middle eastern descent. This is nothing new. I live in an area that has a very large Lebanese community and most of the teams we play against are mostly either Greek, Turkish or Lebanese. But this team was...well...they were complete assholes. Really dirty, bitched at the ref about every call, real or imagined, and they brought an entire posse of assholes to cheer them on (in a suburban high school gym). And they are from the 1st division. Real winners.

So, we held our own but unfortunately let a 4-3 lead slip to lose 5-4. Not bad for a 2nd div team playing a 1st div team. Why is this filed under Astounding Feats of Human Intelligence? Well, because they thought it was funny to call their team the The Suicide Strikers.

I'm sorry. That shit ain't funny. Wonder how they'd feel if we called our team Mossad.
So congratulations Suicide Strikers. For your contribution to inter-ethnic relations, you are Astounding Feats of Human Intelligence number 4.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Pete Doherty queues for Oasis album

A little personality goes along way. Like...into Kate Moss's bedroom with a pound and a half of coke.